How and why men pull away
Wondering why men pull away and what you should do now? Find out exactly what to do if your man has disappeared after a few wonderful dates.
Why men pull away? When a man becomes distant, sometimes it can be the way you communicate your feelings to him making him want to pull away from a relationship. If you know these three steps, you can turn this into an opportunity to connect with him and make him want to come even closer to you.
It is finally happening: you met a man you are compatible with, you really like him, and the feeling is mutual. He is showering you with attention, making plans to see you, making time to call you, and generally letting you know that he is so happy to have found you.
Why men pull away something happens. Out of the blue, he pulls back from you. Maybe he does not mention seeing you this weekend, or he gets off the phone a little earlier than usual. Or maybe he is not being as affectionate. You sense a shift in the way he is with you, and it does not feel good. In fact, it is downright scary.
As a woman, your first instinct is to try to fix the situation of why men pull away, by getting closer to him. You will ask him what is wrong, call him, and start worrying. But this can actually push a man further away because he will feel trapped.
The real secret of why men pull away is to making sure his distance is only temporary is to let go of your efforts to bring him close. This seems counter-intuitive and frightening, since it feels like you might lose him. However, that is not the case.
Here’s how to give him the space he needs while handling your own vulnerable feelings so that he will naturally want to come close all by himself.
Step one: Why do men suddenly pull away?
Drifting away is completely natural for a man, even if he is in love with you. Falling in love can make him feel vulnerable, so he will try to pull back in order to not lose himself. He will come in and go out like a rubber band while he works out his feelings and digs deeper to find his ability to go the distance in a relationship. Meanwhile, he is also making sure he holds on to his sense of self, his life, and his independence. This is often the reason why men pull away.
So, the first thing to do when this happens with the man you are with is to remind yourself that it is completely normal. If he is the right man for you, these periods will significantly shorten over time, even though he will still need his space every once in a while.
After 32 years of marriage, there are still moments when my husband gets a little distant from me. The difference now is that I know that when he does it, it is a natural process, so I do not get worried like I used to. I have also learned what to do when it happens.
Step Two: Why do men suddenly pull away?
Whenever the man you are with pulls back from you, your first instinct is usually to lean in and close the space. This requires effort. And it also usually causes the man to resist your attempts to get closer. Why? Because by stepping in you are removing the incentive for a man to get close. He no longer feels it is his choice and he starts feeling forced.
If he starts pulling away, and you move toward him, then you are just letting the rubber band go slack. You are making it impossible for him to bounce back to you. You are eliminating the tension he needs in order to come back.
The answer is to drop any effort on your part to close that space. Resist the temptation to ask him what is wrong or to step up your efforts in order to get a response from him. Do not call him or e-mail him or drop by his place. Let him make the choice to come to you. When he does, it will also make you feel better. It makes you feel desired by him.
When a man does withdraw, it creates all sorts of feelings inside you. You feel neglected, uncertain, and angry and you cannot understand and again I ask the question why men pull away? And when he comes back, it’s easy to feel resentful. You want him to know that you felt hurt. You do not want him to think it is just okay for him to pull away.
But there is power in your words, and the words you choose can deepen the connection you share so that he is more mindful of your feelings when he does need his space. The trick is to talk to him in a way that expresses your feelings without blaming him.
So, instead of saying, “Why have you not called?!” try, “I feel so happy to hear from you!” Show him that being with you is a fun, positive experience. When he sees that you did not let your emotions overrun you and senses that you did not place such a high importance on his actions, he will be motivated to stay close and connected with you.
He will recognize that he is with a woman who respects his needs while taking care of her own feelings. And he will appreciate that you did not blame or criticize him.
When you create a positive experience with him, he will also gradually realize that being close and connected with you is a valuable part of his life and he will not want to live without. He will see that being with you does not mean he needs to give up his sense of self or his independence, and the bond you two share will become even stronger.